Tuesday, September 28, 2010

{ Pointing (chubby) Fingers }

Dear Pioneer Woman,

This is your fault. All your fault.

On second thought, I'll let you spread some of the blame on the ladies who introduced me to your blog over our bloggy-girls get-together in March. Clearly, this is when the trouble began. This was my introduction to your apple dumplings, your crash potatoes {smash potatoes? I can't remember}, and a whole world of hunger-inducing recipes and photos.

You did this to me, P-Dub. I've gained ** pounds this spring and summer. Not last winter. Not last fall. All of it has jumped on my hips, my thighs, and my tummy {oh! my poor, poor, roly-poly tummy!} within the past five months. Why do you tempt me, Pioneer Woman? How can the food you cook be so bad and yet so good?

Last night is a prime example. Husband does not like meatloaf. I made your meatloaf, that spectacular bacon-wrapped creation topped with the amazing sauce. {Three-fourths of a cup of brown sugar probably had something to do with that.} It was tasty. But not just tasty. It was tasty tasty tasty. Husband closed his eyes and breathed slower with the first bite. He proclaimed it not only the best meatloaf he's ever had, but the only meatloaf he has ever liked.

He went back for seconds.

Then he went back for thirds.

We are going to need new {larger-sized} clothing as a result of the peach pie, berry cobblers, fried steak, pastas, chicken curries, and rosemary rolls you've introduced to us. Help me, the rosemary rolls!! I've made them four times. The first three times I ate them all--all by myself--within an hour. All nine of them. I did that three times, Pioneer Woman! I need help! I need a support group!

Because of my newfangled eating habits, I've had to start exercising. I sweat and puff and pant in the living room every morning with my workout DVD. I do jumping jacks, pray I don't wake the downstairs neighbors, and dream of rosemary rolls for breakfast.

I lay the blame at your figurative doorstep, Pioneer Woman. My life expectancy is probably decreasing exponentially due to the buttery goodness of your recipes....come to think of it, my waistline is probably increasing at a similar rate. And while I'd rather be free of the excess jiggle I've accumulated in the past few months, I have to say....your recipes are the best.

With love and adipose tissue,



  1. You are so funny, Nikki! I have her cookbook. We love the twice baked potatoes. A couple weeks ago we made the roasted corn salsa~~to-die-for! My favorite is her olive cheese bread. I am the only one who will eat it, so I make it for church dinners. Love you!

  2. So funny. You should email this to her!

  3. This is so hilarious. But uhhh, I think those extra ** lbs look really good on you darling. And as yummy as those rosemary rolls sound, I have to say, I a little scared now to give them a try.