{ Thankful }

Today I am thankful for the certainty that I right here, surrounded by milky burp cloths and MegaBlocks, a perpetually-running clothes washer and two tiny humans who depend on me for pretty much everything, is exactly where I am supposed to be. Doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I also know myself well enough to know that this certainty is probably fleeting. Counters full of dirty dishes, or pine needles strewn across the floor, or a nap for Lainie that I deem "too short" may easily send me into a self-centered tailspin of I can't handle this! Life with two littles is too much! 

The truth is, I chose this. I wanted--and still do want--this. I begged God for years to let me be a stay-at-home mom if and when the time came for me to be married and have children. I was completely uninterested in dating any man who also did not hold this as a non-negotiable component of marriage. This has always been my biggest dream. But it is hard. So much harder, in reality, to be okay with this level of I'm-not-in-control...the tiny humans I created seem to be in charge instead.

But, this morning, I am okay with the clutter. With how loooooong it takes to do the simplest tasks with a toddler-helper and a baby who loves to nurse all.the.time. With the astonishing fact that we suddenly create a full load of dirty laundry every.single.day. {And the accompanying astonishing fact that it is well-nigh impossible to find time to fold said load of laundry. When did folding laundry become so hard?! And why?} So I am reveling in this certainty, frolicking in it, you could even say. Because it is delightful and, honestly, completely new and foreign to me to be so sure of the rightness of this while simultaneously looking out over a home full of unfinished tasks that I know I will not be able to complete anytime soon.

I'm thankful that Lainie woke up at the same time as me--even though I'm learning that my days are much smoother if I can at least take a shower, eat breakfast, and nurse David before she wakes up. I'm thankful for mountains of oatmeal, slathered in butter and brown sugar, and for the coffee Mike makes {and leaves for me} before I'm even awake. I'm thankful for Lainie's enthusiastic help with David's bath when it became apparent that all three of us were in dire need of bathing. For the smell of baby lotion and snuggly sling time while washing dishes. For food to eat, dirty dishes to wash, and hot water. For raindrops heavy on the roof and a cozy house. For a husband who works so hard to make this--this--possible: Me. Here. Doing these things. May I never take this work, this incredible and costly privilege, for granted.

These babies are my greatest work. And if the housekeeping suffers {it will} and the meals are less than gourmet {they are} and the hours are long and unpredictable {!!}, I am still so incredibly thankful and blessed to be here. Doing these things.

And since the tiny man is now making it clear that he is desperate for my attention, I'm going to give it to him!

{ Pumpkin Patch }

Last weekend, we went to a pumpkin patch.

Turns out that not only was it Lainie's first time, but Mike's and mine as well. Work has been demanding a lot of Mike's time recently, so it felt deliciously indulgent to be going somewhere together, as a family, during daylight hours, just for fun. Lainie was obviously bewildered by her parents' seemingly crazy and out-of-character decision to wander aimlessly around a muddy field full of funny-shaped giant orange balls. She was more interested in chewing on the tab of her new {hand-me-down} jacket than perusing the pumpkins.

In spite of the cloud cover, it was a delicious afternoon, with gorgeous trees, enormous pumpkins, and plenty of very excited little people.

 

 

 

:: obligatory family selfie to commemorate first baby's first time at a pumpkin patch ::

 

Once we left the pumpkins and walked by the cornfield, however, Lainie was on! She was determined to find her way through the corn maze all by her little self.

 

 

...Until, of course, she fell down in the mud approximately five steps in.

On the way home--after coffee and pastries to warm up--I was craving homemade macaroni and cheese, so we swung by the store to get what we needed. Mike and Lainie watched an episode of Baby Einstein and munched on goldfish crackers while I made the mac and cheese. {I'm not sure who made out best with that deal: Lainie got uninterrupted Daddy time and a movie; Daddy got to snuggle with his girlie, and I got to make a meal without fourteen dozen interruptions!} 

 

One more to close...just because they are so.darn.cute.

 

{ Right Now: In My Head }

I'm not sure if life is really busier, or more overwhelming, or more stressful, or crazier than usual, or if it's just the combination of pregnancy = almost always feeling tired, being type A, having an undecorated house, and being an introvert thrust into a season of meeting new people and forging new relationships...but a lot of the time lately I certainly feel busier, overwhelmed, stressed, and a little crazy!

It's been just over a month since we moved, and while all the boxes are unpacked, the "new home" feel lingers as we tweak furniture placement and realize just how childproofed our condo really was, simply due to its small size. I'm still figuring out which grocery stores are closest, where the nearest parks and ATMs are and which freeway exits and entrances work best for going different places. While I long for all of this to feel comfortable and familiar and like home, it's also exciting. The newness. I think, if I were not simultaneously a) parenting a toddler, and b) nearing the third trimester, I would be reveling in this newness--it feels kind of like playing house when I was a kid, just after my Dad finished building our treehouse, or when my cousin and I finally finished the playhouse I grandly determined to build in the pasture behind the garden. It is fun and exciting. However, taking naps, and having at least one room that actually feels finished, and a meal plan that is realistic and doable with a curious toddler--these are also on my list of "fun and exciting things." You can see my dilemma, I hope.

I am trying to savor these days, hard as that sometimes is, because I know that in addition to hard they are also fleeting and sweet and oh-so-brief. Right now is when I can rock Lainie to sleep and read her endless books and work life around her nap schedule...because she's my only baby. She only gets to be "the baby" for a few more months, and then she's the big sister. These are precious, precious days of just her and me. Right now I hold Jellybean safe and secure in my belly all day, feeling his thumps and stretching exercises and getting much longer stretches of sleep at night than I will after he's born. Right now may involve cooking dinner with an adventurous almost-16-month-old, but at least I don't have to juggle a newborn too. Right now is freedom to nap whenever Lainie does. Right now is dreaming and planning about paint colors and kitchen remodeling with Mike. Right now may be harder than a couple months ago, but it's also super sweet mixed in with all the change and newness and exhaustion.

One of our favorite features in our new home is the enormous fireplace. It has the biggest firebox I've ever seen, and opens on both sides. {I'm also in love with the painted white brick, but Mike thinks it is a horrifying travesty and wants to un-paint it. I am therefore grateful that altering the fireplace surround, as a purely cosmetic undertaking, is pretty far down our to-do list! I'm curious, though: What do you y'all think about painted brick? Is it a yea or nay here?} I keep finding myself surprised that there is no hearth; we had a large hearth on our tiny fireplace at the condo, and I'm used to decorating it. Here, there are just two small nooks fairly high up on each side...nothing under the fireplace. Last Friday my parents were in town for a brief visit, and I took advantage of a few spare minutes to thread some leaves Lainie and I picked up at a park and make a couple garlands. They are already curling up quite a bit as they dry, but I really like the simple, striking touch of autumn they bring indoors.

 

Here's the "living room" side...No, I am not at all sure that a zebra print rug is right for this spot, or that it will stay, but it works for now!...

 

...and here is the "other" side. Sort of dining room, sort of not--currently nearly empty.

 

That's all for now, though maybe someday soon I'll download the last month's worth of photos off my camera and give you a peek into Lainie's world. Because that's pretty much all I take pictures of! ;-P

{ Taking a Breath }

We've been in our new house--this is the ninth day, I think?--and I am just now sitting on the couch {still un-slipcovered because a. Mike just found the second half of the slipcover in a box in his office last night, and b. Lainie is still terrified of the vacuum but I MUST VACUUM THE COUCH BEFORE I PUT THE SLIPCOVER ON, and I can't bring myself to vacuum during a nap and possibly wake her--do you see my predicament?!} with my feet on the coffee table {much too small for our new living room, but at least Mike put felt pads on the feet to protect the newly refinished hardwood floors} and feeling like maybe...just maybe...we will someday get this chaos under control. We've never moved an entire household before. I can hear some of you guffawing: How can they possibly count an 842 square foot condo as a legitimate "household"? That's 1/3 the size of many family homes these days! Nonetheless, when we got married 4+ years ago, each of us literally had a bedroom's worth of possessions, nothing more. Well, I also had a couch that a roommate gave me. But seriously. Four years + a toddler = way more stuff to sort through, pack, unpack, and put away. I don't even know how it's mostly done already, with all the Lainie-entertaining and feeding and we-must-go-to-a-park-NOW-or-I-will-lose-my-mind moments I've had.

But. Here we are. Lainie is napping, and I probably should be too. I've been more exhausted than I can even tell you, staying up way too late unpacking and then getting up at 7:00 {or 6:45, depending on the day} with my cuddly little alarm clock and furiously cleaning and organizing during her naps. It's not the greatest life plan for 22 weeks pregnant, I'll tell you that!

Please tell me I'm not the only OCD person who goes around wiping grime {perhaps imaginary--I am pregnant} off all the doors and light switches after moving. Or that I'm not the only person who has lived in a previously vacant house for over a week, with large swathes of multi-colored mold growing in both toilets, before cleaning the bathrooms. Or that we won't get a foot fungus from a week of showering in a bathtub whose state of cleanliness prior to yesterday is unknown.

Have I mentioned that there are no overhead lights in the living room, and for the life of me I cannot find the harp for our main lamp?! There's the lamp base, the lightbulb, the shade...and no harp. At this point I think there is only one box in our entire house that hasn't been opened on a quest for that harp, and I am about to go batty with that one bare lightbulb illuminating the living room. Oh, and all our lightbulbs have apparently decided to die--I keep frantically switching bulbs from less-important to more-important lamps, chiding myself for letting our stash run out and yet forgetting to buy more when I'm at the store.

Have I also mentioned how much I love my new washer and dryer? And my new fridge, which inconveniently doesn't fit in the kitchen {hint: don't let a pregnant woman measure the dimensions of the spot for a fridge!}. Or how much I want to join Lainie in Zzzzz-land.

That's her I hear waking up, so I've got to run for now. xo

{ What's Been Going On }

Sorry for the silence lately, folks. There's been a lot going on, but there has been so much unpredictability regarding the main "thing" that I've been hesitant to mention it. We're buying a house. After--how long? at least 1.5 years--of looking around, putting offers on multiple houses, and nothing panning out, we found a house that we both really like, it's sort of in our price range, and our offer was accepted! {Cue the hysterical happy dance.} We first saw the house in mid-July, the weekend before Amaryah's wedding, if I remember correctly. "If I remember correctly" is a big "if," however, as being 19 weeks pregnant + chasing a newly-walking toddler around + packing + trying to squeeze daily life in between piles and piles of boxes in 847 square feet while keeping said toddler from seriously injuring herself on all these fun new "toys" is a wonderful memory-loss combination when you are already suffering from pregnancy brain.

There have been so many obstacles in this process...I will write about them someday, because it is an amazing testimony of God's grace and faithfulness. But I also want to get this published before Little Miss wakes up from her nap. :-) We are hoping to close next Wednesday, though until we sign the closing documents there is always the possibility that something will come up and the mortgage will fall through. We are moving next Saturday...either into the house, or in with Mike's parents {and renting a storage unit for our stuff} until we can find an apartment to rent that is close to Mike's work. Why move if you don't have a house to move into, you ask? Because, in order to qualify for this mortgage, we had to get renters for our condo. And since we have tenants moving in a few days after we move--wherever we move to--we most definitely have to move.

In a nutshell, that's what we've been up to, and why I've been a bit quiet lately. We only got boxes and started packing on Monday; before that we weren't confident enough about the whole process to start packing. While the thought of packing all our earthly possessions in less than two weeks {while keeping Lainie entertained and all of us fed} is daunting, it hasn't been as bad as I expected. We have never had to pack and move an entire household before--when we got married we each had only a bedroom's worth of possessions. Our small space and my purging tendencies have kept us from accumulating much, but I am nevertheless astonished at how much we have. I am so glad that we haven't been able to spread out over a larger home; I firmly believe that your possessions expand to fill the space you have. Which is why I'm also excited about "our" house--while it has four bedrooms and great living spaces, it's only 1460 square feet. So we can't acquire too much junk...right?

And now I'm going to continue stepping out in faith that the mortgage will go through and we will have a house to move into next weekend, and pack some more boxes!

{ Slices of Summer, Part II }

:: Family date after church ~ ferry ride to Kingston ::

:: Fascinated by the wake ::

:: She ALWAYS gets this distracted by airplanes--she loves 'em! ::

 

~*~*~

:: A recent date night {date date night} included a trip to Fainting Goat Gelato ::

:: Mike had mango habanero and raspberry, I had lemon grisbi and honey lavender ~ so delicious! ::

 

~*~*~

 

:: Baby loves milkshakes, too ::

 

~*~*~

:: Who knew this face happens when you put her in a leotard with rhinestones and a tulle skirt? ::

:: Or this pose... ::

:: Or that our little photoshoot would end in such sorrow! ::

 

~*~*~

 

:: Saturday stroll with Daddy ::

:: "I heard a boat! Or an airplane! OVER THERE!" ::

 

Summer's not over yet, but this post is plenty long!

{ Jellybean }

Since I am 17 weeks pregnant--almost halfway there!--I guess it's high time I did a little pregnancy update.

This pregnancy has been so very different than my first: Perhaps most noticeably, I've only thrown up six or seven times...total. This, people, is phenomenal and wonderful and most unexpected and the BIGGEST blessing ever!! With Lainie, I threw up two or three times a day up until 14 weeks.  Basically, if I was awake, I was nauseous. I fully expected that with #2. This time, I've still been nauseous a lot {though much less than with Lainie}, and I've only puked a few times. But now at 17 weeks, I still have periods of nausea that I don't remember having at this stage with #1. Brushing my teeth makes me gag every time, and sometimes a little cough sends me into a spell of dry heaving. I think I'm finally over the "ohmygosh I could sleep standing up, every day, at any time of day, no matter how much sleep I've gotten!!" weeks. Growing a baby is an amazing experience, a privilege I hope that I don't take for granted or skim over in the midst of these "light and momentary" physical afflictions that come along with a human being growing inside me.

How far along: 17ish weeks

Weight gain: In the normal range...but I think I'm gaining faster than I did with Lainie. Probably because I didn't spend the first 14 weeks barfing.

Belly: Unfortunately the "baby belly" still looks exactly the same as the "I eat too much and have never done a sit-up belly." I've definitely lost my waist and have a little poochy tummy, but it doesn't look like a pregnant tummy yet. Just a fat one. I can't easily cross my arms when I'm sitting down, either--it's uncomfortable to lay them across my belly.

Baby size: About five inches, head to bottom, and about five ounces. The size of an onion...the weight of a turnip...the length of an iPhone...take your pick!

Sleep: Started using a pillow between my knees/under my tummy a week or so ago, and it makes sleeping so much more comfortable! Again, I feel like I was further along in my pregnancy with Lainie before I needed pillows to help me sleep...and what's this nonsense about waking up twice a night to pee? Already? Really, Jellybean? You only weigh five ounces and you jump on my bladder at night...

Clothes: Thanks to the fact that a lot of my wardrobe consists of stretchy skirts, dresses, and leggings, I'm still in my regular clothes 95% of the time, though the stack that doesn't fit anymore is growing rapidly. And I have to confess: I haven't worn jeans in weeks, and most of my shorts are un-buttonable. So really, when I say "regular clothes," I mean regular stretchy/non-jeans clothes. I got out my maternity clothes last week because I was desperate for some new shirts, but I'm waiting as long as possible to wear them...those few tops and one pair of jeans will get old really fast!

Movement: I first felt Jellybean move at 15 weeks. {I didn't feel Lainie until 18 weeks.} As with Lainie, I spent a few days thinking, Is that gas or Jellybean?, but once I was sure it was Jellybean, I realized that most of those flutters and pops I'd felt earlier were not gas. ;-)

Exercise: Ummmm.....this week I went on a walk with a girlfriend that involved pushing Lainie in a stroller up a mountain, but other than that, not much.

Wedding rings on or off: On. {My fingers didn't swell much 'til about the last month with Lainie.}

How am I doing mentally and emotionally: This week I've had a couple episodes of momentary panic when I've realized I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy and we haven't done anything baby-related. I haven't given a thought to any kind of additional gear we will need {like a second crib--helloooo!--or a toddler carseat for Lainie}, or birth prep {do I want to try hypnobirth again?}. Are we totally underpreparing ourselves for this baby, because we're so busy and hey, we've done this before? Or am I just less OCD than I was the first time? A few people have asked me, too, if I'm nervous or worried that this baby will be ok, given that Lainie had a diaphragmatic hernia. Jesus has given me complete peace about this baby, and up until a week or two ago, I could honestly say I had not been worried at all about this baby's health. Then I had a couple days of being sure that some serious anomaly is going to be found on the ultrasound. I spent a lot of time crying out to Jesus for peace, and He met me really sweetly. It's hard to describe--it's not an assurance that this baby will be healthy, though truthfully my fears are gone and I do believe he or she will be healthy. It's an assurance that goes deeper: that if this baby does have any health problems, Jesus will be with us there too. He can, and will, totally redeem that kind of situation if it happens.

Looking forward to: Actually looking pregnant instead of like I just eat too much dessert.

Best moment this week: Seeing Lainie learn to walk--her skill, and even more obviously her confidence, are growing rapidly! The past couple of days she has even walked away from me, toward an object--a big deal for her when she usually walks from one person to another.

Food aversions: None really...I'm still not a huge fan of meat that I've prepared, though.

Food cravings: Fresh fruit {it's all I've wanted through this pregnancy}. Grinders from Portofino. Chocolate milk.

What I miss: Sleeping through the night. Not being tired all the time. {I mean all.the.time. Most days I sleep during part or all of Lainie's morning nap--I am seriously a snoozing machine.} Having a nice drink when we go on dates. Not gagging when I brush my teeth. Having energy to do things besides activities of daily life.

And then I remind myself: It's ok that I don't have energy, that I'm not doing XYZ. I'm growing a baby! THAT is a big deal!!

:: Weeks 4, 5, 8, and 10 ::

:: Weeks 13, 14, 15, and 16 ::

:: Week 17 ::

 

{Last week a friend commented that I wear a lot of stripes, which I agreed with...but until I looked through these photos today, I didn't realize the extent to which I wear "a lot" of stripes. Whoa Nelly!}

{ Slices of Summer, Part I }

I've been sporadic in my blogging this summer, preferring to spend Lainie's naptimes snoozing myself. Here is some photographic evidence of what we've been up to this summer.

 

 

:: playing at the park ::

 

:: playdate with Violet, my former coworker's daughter who is 22 days older than Lainie ::

 

:: Lainie's first gyro, on our way to the Washington coast in June--yum! ::

 

:: At the local farmer's market, slightly worried about how cold her first ice cream bar is! ::

 

:: Date with Mr. Mike...you know it's good when it ends with gelato :-D ::

 

:: She really wanted this trike from a consignment store. {Doesn't her expression look like she's thinking about how she can convince me to buy it?!} ::

 

:: Very serious about occupying this chair at the coffee shop ::

 

:: She's really into putting things on her head/neck lately. Good thing this was a clean diaper. ::

 

:: Playing in the dishwasher ::

 

:: On this particular afternoon at the pool, she preferred wearing her {new} flip flops and eating goldfish crackers to getting in the water. By the way, goldfish crackers are her new obsession. ::

 

:: Ahhhhh....the day she discovered Daddy's sneakers! ::

 

:: Chillin' on a park bench ::

 

:: Lainie absolutely glows when she is in a swing: the biggest grin, belly laughs--she just sparkles. Of course, when I stop the swing to get a non-blurry photo, she gets all serious. ::

 

:: What? You don't practice the splits after your baths? Why ever not? It's the perfect time--you're all warm and limbered up! ::

{ Swimmin' }

This kid...she loves the water.

 

We have access to three pools at our condo complex, but we had never ever dipped so much as a toe in any of them--until this summer. Auntie Amaryah gave Lainie the cutest {ohmygosh it is SO CUTE} bathing suit for her birthday, and I bought her a little kiddie float thingamajig, and one day I took her to the closest pool.

 

She wasn't scared, even a little bit.  We've become regular visitors, us two lily-white girls both with cute little poochy tummies, and sometimes we even drag Daddy {or Grandma, when she was visiting for Amaryah's wedding} to the pool with us.

 

 

:: DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THE CUTE SUIT ::

 

 

:: Sometimes...you just need to take a rest. ::

 

:: with Grandma ::

 

It's amazing to me how much Lainie enjoys being in the water. I'm a doggie-paddler, not a swimmer...so it's safe to say Lainie got this trait from her daddy. ;-) She's happy to hang out in her float, or in my arms. She loves to chase her ball around, but most of all she likes to watch other kids in the pool. Sometimes when I'm holding her, she stretches out on her tummy and kicks her legs. And after awhile, she points to the steps and we get out and walk back to our chair and she eats snacks and then she usually wants to walk around and explore for awhile...and then of course, it's time to get back in the water. I didn't realize how much of a water baby she is until I saw other babies her age who don't like being in the pool at all.

 

But don't you worry, Aunt Amaryah. That bathing suit is getting lots of use.