{ Right Now: In My Head }

I'm not sure if life is really busier, or more overwhelming, or more stressful, or crazier than usual, or if it's just the combination of pregnancy = almost always feeling tired, being type A, having an undecorated house, and being an introvert thrust into a season of meeting new people and forging new relationships...but a lot of the time lately I certainly feel busier, overwhelmed, stressed, and a little crazy!

It's been just over a month since we moved, and while all the boxes are unpacked, the "new home" feel lingers as we tweak furniture placement and realize just how childproofed our condo really was, simply due to its small size. I'm still figuring out which grocery stores are closest, where the nearest parks and ATMs are and which freeway exits and entrances work best for going different places. While I long for all of this to feel comfortable and familiar and like home, it's also exciting. The newness. I think, if I were not simultaneously a) parenting a toddler, and b) nearing the third trimester, I would be reveling in this newness--it feels kind of like playing house when I was a kid, just after my Dad finished building our treehouse, or when my cousin and I finally finished the playhouse I grandly determined to build in the pasture behind the garden. It is fun and exciting. However, taking naps, and having at least one room that actually feels finished, and a meal plan that is realistic and doable with a curious toddler--these are also on my list of "fun and exciting things." You can see my dilemma, I hope.

I am trying to savor these days, hard as that sometimes is, because I know that in addition to hard they are also fleeting and sweet and oh-so-brief. Right now is when I can rock Lainie to sleep and read her endless books and work life around her nap schedule...because she's my only baby. She only gets to be "the baby" for a few more months, and then she's the big sister. These are precious, precious days of just her and me. Right now I hold Jellybean safe and secure in my belly all day, feeling his thumps and stretching exercises and getting much longer stretches of sleep at night than I will after he's born. Right now may involve cooking dinner with an adventurous almost-16-month-old, but at least I don't have to juggle a newborn too. Right now is freedom to nap whenever Lainie does. Right now is dreaming and planning about paint colors and kitchen remodeling with Mike. Right now may be harder than a couple months ago, but it's also super sweet mixed in with all the change and newness and exhaustion.

One of our favorite features in our new home is the enormous fireplace. It has the biggest firebox I've ever seen, and opens on both sides. {I'm also in love with the painted white brick, but Mike thinks it is a horrifying travesty and wants to un-paint it. I am therefore grateful that altering the fireplace surround, as a purely cosmetic undertaking, is pretty far down our to-do list! I'm curious, though: What do you y'all think about painted brick? Is it a yea or nay here?} I keep finding myself surprised that there is no hearth; we had a large hearth on our tiny fireplace at the condo, and I'm used to decorating it. Here, there are just two small nooks fairly high up on each side...nothing under the fireplace. Last Friday my parents were in town for a brief visit, and I took advantage of a few spare minutes to thread some leaves Lainie and I picked up at a park and make a couple garlands. They are already curling up quite a bit as they dry, but I really like the simple, striking touch of autumn they bring indoors.

 

Here's the "living room" side...No, I am not at all sure that a zebra print rug is right for this spot, or that it will stay, but it works for now!...

 

...and here is the "other" side. Sort of dining room, sort of not--currently nearly empty.

 

That's all for now, though maybe someday soon I'll download the last month's worth of photos off my camera and give you a peek into Lainie's world. Because that's pretty much all I take pictures of! ;-P

{ of weddings }

Mike's sister Amaryah married her Lawrence on July 20, two days after our fourth wedding anniversary.

In true pregnancy-brain fashion {or is this just a sign that we're slowly exiting the "honeymoon/take-a-photo-of-every-milestone" phase?}, I didn't take a single picture on our anniversary outing. My mom was in town, so she watched Lainie while Mike and I went to my first midwife appointment. We got to hear Jellybean's heartbeat for the first time, which was sweet, and then we had dinner at a restaurant on the marina. We came home and ate ice cream while watching Downton Abbey with mom. I joke that we've transitioned from traveling to islands to celebrate our marriage {Honeymoon: Oahu. First anniversary: Lopez Island. Second anniversary: Kauai.}...to going to medical appointments for our children {Third anniversary: Lainie's last surgical follow-up appointment at Children's Hospital. Fourth anniversary: Jellybean's first midwife appointment.}.

There are, however, some decent photos of us from Amaryah's wedding two days later. That'll do, right?

Amaryah + Lawrence had a beautiful wedding, one of the loveliest I've seen. The ceremony and reception were outdoors, and the weather was gorgeous. So was the bride!

 

 

:: the reception area ::

 

 

 

:: the ceremony area ::

 

:: the whole family ::

 

:: exquisite centerpieces! ::

 

 

:: lace mounted on embroidery hoops, hung above the dance floor ::

 

 

:: Mike and I did this...a lot...all evening. Baby girl wants to walk everywhere. ::

{Side note: I can't decide how I feel about the fact that I comfortably wore a maternity dress at 12 weeks pregnant.}

 

 

:: three generations ::

 

 

:: all the food was miniature and SO delicious--but between feeding Lainie and myself, I only got a photo of the tiny burger. ::

 

 

:: lots of fun lawn games, which Lainie thoroughly enjoyed ::

 

:: ignore my freaky blurry hand...I love this photo of Lainie. ::

 

 

:: first dance ::

 

 

:: I kid you not--beneath that crazy red wig lies my husband. ::

 

 

:: Mike and Amaryah dancing with Estella, their cousin's daughter ::

 

It was such a lovely wedding celebration. Retrospectively I am totally a first-time mom, taking far more photos of my cute little baby than of the bride and groom and wedding festivities! All the more reason to look forward to the professional photos, right? And I'm sad not to have any pictures of the ceremony, but since we were sitting in the front row, I was completely occupied keeping Lainie quiet and happy. {Consumed by Lainie--just during the short ceremony: Two pouches of baby food, cheerios, part of a lollipop, and various sips from one water bottle and one sippy cup.} She was a little angel...a very hungry little angel, apparently...until the very end, when the pastor was doing the "by the power vested in me..." formalities just before pronouncing them husband and wife. At that precise moment, Lainie set down her lollipop and yelled, "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!" You have to admit, her timing was impeccable!

 

We are so thankful that my mom came over for the weekend specifically to help with Lainie during the wedding and reception. Partway through the reception, she took Lainie home and put her to bed. Mike and I were able to dance and par-tay and enjoy the rest of the reception without trying to entertain a very tired little girl, which was a huge blessing. Thanks, mom!!

 

What a difference four years make. When I think back on our wedding, I want to blurt out, "You were such a kid!!" We both were--not that we're terribly mature and grown-up now, but it's just crazy how much has changed since then. How much we have changed. In good ways. Marriage does grow you up. Having a child does grow you up. And while I was all misty-eyed over the wonder of Lawrence and Amaryah starting their journey as husband and wife, I am speechlessly amazed at what God has done/is doing in my own marriage. How He continues to grow us together. Continues to grow and deepen, mature and solidify and strengthen a love that I thought was pretty amazing when we said "I do" in 2009.

 

I used to be afraid of losing the butterflies-in-the-stomach, crazy-in-love inloveness of newlyweds. Everybody is, don't you think? Afraid that if it goes away, you'll be left with nothing...certain that the only other option is a lifetime of boring staleness, looking back with longing on that mythical "honeymoon phase." That is such a lie. SUCH a lie. Being newlyweds is great, and I loved that season, and every newlywed should soak it up! But the love that grows from that...after that...is a beautiful, sacred, breathtaking thing too. Love isn't static. It isn't something you achieve and then struggle to protect and maintain as-is. With Jesus at the center of a marriage, love constantly grows and changes and becomes deeper and more beautiful. It's not all sunshine and roses {or rainbows and unicorns, as Mike would say}. It's not all easy. But it is so rich. And I am so thankful for the four years I've had the great privilege of being Mrs. Mike.



{ a letter to April }

Oh, April: You always enchant me. I'd like to think it's not just because you're my birthday month. Though I'm sure the presence of gifts around April 18 does enhance your allure.

You are so full of promise. You come bearing a little more sunshine, a little less rain, temperatures a few degrees higher than your predecessor, March. Sure, stiff breezes may skip through those sunny days; these golden sun-filled hours may be chillier than I expect; but I smell spring on your breezes. Cherry and apple trees literally burst into blossom, spilling their delicate, breathtaking extravagance into the air and onto the ground. You may not be full-blown spring here in the Pacific Northwest, but you bear the promise. You bring the first glorious lungfuls of fresh grass...rain-splattered warm air...cherry blossoms...apple blossoms...daffodils and tulips and that indescribable scent that whispers Spring is coming!

With your advent comes longer days. Oh sweet bliss of springtime sunsets, of waking with the sun instead of hours before its arrival. This, of course, also means that it's broad daylight when it's time for Lainie to go to bed. Which in turn means that her nursery is now decorated with the most unfashionable dark brown blanket clothespinned to the curtain rod. If anyone reading knows where I can find blackout curtains that aren't hideously ugly and prohibitively expensive, please do share. The fact that I prefer a fuzzy brown blanket over her window to the blackout drapes I've found speaks volumes to how ugly and expensive they are!

You also bring with you asparagus, and strawberries that don't cost a small fortune, and make me want to wear dresses and gallivant about with a crown of flowers in my hair. {The dresses bit the world can handle, the flower crown I think not so much.} Lainie and I have gone to the beach a couple of times in the past week, and if you continue to provide such lovely weather, I hope to haul us down there every day that I possibly can. Probably not on grocery day, because that task pretty much uses up all my schlepping abilities by itself.

Birthday cards are still rimming countertops. Gerber daisies are still perking up the dining table. Windows are opened as frequently as possible to let the fresh air come in and play. Oh April, you are good to us. I'm going to miss you, come May.

{ thirty }

thirty. i've been trying not to think about this birthday, while simultaneously trying to figure out how i'm here already. how i can already be 30 years old. i'm not ashamed of this birthday...truth be told, it doesn't really bother me {yet!}. this morning i realized that in some ways, i'm glad it's here. i think i feel like being thirty years old gives me permission to be me, without any apologies or explanations or sideways glances at the proverbial Joneses to see if i'm keeping up.

thirty is being comfortable in my own skin.

thirty is springing for that overpriced bouquet at the supermarket, because life is too short to live without flowers.

thirty is confidence in my interior design choices.

thirty is a confident, comfortable, damn good-looking wardrobe.

thirty is also wearing sweats all day if i want to.

thirty is speaking up. not being afraid that my voice, my experiences, my struggles, my opinion will be unwelcome.

thirty is realizing that i will probably be tired as long as there are little folks in the house, but that's no reason to drag through the day like it's drudgery.

thirty is embracing the acne, spotty skin, and extra "poufs" that motherhood has given me, and wearing them with pride. i get to be a mama. so many women who want to, can't, and these "scars" are an immeasurable treasure.

thirty is setting my alarm for no reason other than being able to make breakfast for mike before he goes to work.

thirty is spending time with Jesus like never before.

thirty is realizing that Jesus really is all that matters. everything else is so not lasting. but He is!

thirty is letting go of perfection and loving what is.

thirty is short blog posts because i'm a mama.

welcome, thirty. may these years be the best yet.

{ Resurrection Sunday }

When it comes to Easter, it seems that Mike and I are well on our way to making a tradition of changing things up.

Easter 2008: This was a few weeks before we started dating; Mike spontaneously got baptized at church {he'd been baptized as a young boy, so this was more of a reaffirmation of faith}, I briefly met his parents for the first time, and we had a potluck dinner with a huge group of church friends.

2009: Right around the time we got engaged, I honestly don't remember what we did...I assume spent the day at church and with Mike's family.

2010: We visited my family in Idaho. Mike fell deathly sick Easter morning, barely surviving the post-sunrise-service breakfast, and spent most of the day in bed. I remember games and lots of laughter--crying and gasping and sides burning laughter--with my parents, brothers, and their friends...in between tending to poor sick Mike.

In 2011 our church rented Qwest Field in downtown Seattle for Easter. My parents and two of my brothers spent the weekend with us, so our tiny two-bedroom home was packed to the brim! We toured Boeing, went to the tulip fields, visited the Museum of Flight, and had a post-church potluck at Amaryah's apartment building in dowtown Seattle.

Last year, my brother got married--in central Oregon--the day before Easter. On Sunday morning, Mike and I went to the early service at a little church in Bend and spent the rest of the day driving home.

This year, Mike helped with setup and teardown at church. I got up early with him and we shared coffee and Rhodes cinnamon rolls. Should I feel guilty that the only time my family gets cinnamon rolls is when they are from the freezer section? I have never made them from scratch. I come from a long line of from-scratch bakers and cooks, and yet I don't feel guilty that I buy frozen cinnamon rolls. It makes me a little uneasy that I don't feel guilty. But when you realize how good they taste, that they bake in only 30 minutes flat, and that the time you'd spend making them from scratch probably makes the commercial version cheaper...well, Rhodes gets my vote. ;-)

I didn't realize it until after choosing our outfits, but Lainie and I totally matched. We met up with Mike at church and had our picture taken at the photobooth. {A somewhat embarrassing side note: I also realized that I wore the same dress for Easter five years ago. I told Mike, and he said, "Small world." I retorted, "No, it's more like small wardrobe!"}

Pastor Scott asked Mike to do baptisms with him after the service. It was amazing to realize that, on Easter five years ago, Mike got baptized...and now, five years later, he's in the dunk tank as one of the baptizers.

 

Here are Mo and I with our babies. Cracks me up because Lainie and I look HUGE compared to Mo and Josiah. I'll have you know that we are the same height, I'm just wearing 4" heels. And the babies? Well, Lainie does have six months on Josiah...

 

We are going to miss Scott and Mo so much when they move to Texas to plant a church!!

 

I can't wait to see what we're up to next year...maybe Easter in Texas?

{ In Which There is a Wedding }

Our friends Daniel and Lisa got married at this beautiful church in Port Gamble on November 4.

 

As if the church and white picket fence aren't already to die for, it is situated in a tiny little community FULL of beautiful old houses and white picket fences...on the water...requiring a ferry ride to get there.

 

I die.

 

 

:: Isn't this little baby on her first ferry ride the cutest thing? ::

 

 

 

:: See? Just across the street in front of the church = part of the Puget Sound! ::

 

Daniel and Lisa asked Mike to read Scripture during the ceremony, so we went to the rehearsal on Friday as well as the wedding on Sunday. The church is just as breathtaking inside as out--the walls are this amazing blue color, with ornate plasterwork along the ceiling. The original wooden pews are still in use. There is even a little balcony--you reach it by climbing the narrowest stairs ever--with stained glass windows where you can ring the bell. {The balcony also makes a nice, swanky nursing nook.} Unfortunately the light inside wasn't great so you will mostly have to use your imaginations.

 

 

:: Joanna holding Lainie's little friend Julia ::

 

The whole village of Port Gamble consists of houses like this. It looks straight out of Anne of Green Gables. I love it!

 

:: Even though it's blurry, I love this photo from the reception! Love! ::

 

Little Miss was a trooper! She fell asleep partway through the ceremony, and slept happily in the ring sling for the first couple hours of the reception. She was snug as a bug and I'm so thankful she still sleeps well when I wear her--it is a total lifesaver in situations like this.

 

Side note: Can anyone explain to me what it is about traveling that causes diapers to explode? Is it that the further you get from your home, the leakier diapers become? Or is the force with which poop is expelled proportional to the fanciness of the clothes the baby is wearing? Or is there some magical ratio of number of outfits Mom packed to number of outfits soiled? Or do ferries give baby poop special diaper-escaping powers? I'm just asking. Because Lainie pooped through two outfits before the rehearsal, and then two more before the wedding.

 

The reception was in a big one-room pavilion with huge windows overlooking the water. Gorgeous! But there wasn't anywhere to nurse or change diapers except the bathroom, so I ended up sitting on the floor of the handicapped stall to feed Lainie. Kind of gross but I am still trying not to think about it. We were leaving the bathroom at the same time as one of the waitstaff, and as she held the door open for me, she said, "Not that I was eavesdropping or anything, but the way you talk to your baby is the sweetest thing ever." That totally made up for nursing on a bathroom floor!

 

Another funny bathroom story: Right after we got to the reception hall, I went in the ladies' room to fix my hair...and a man walked out of one of the stalls. We both did a double take.

Me: "Am I in the wrong bathroom?!"

Him: "I don't know, let's check!"

He opens the door, looks at the sign, face turns white, looks at me, says, "Oh sh*t!" and bolts out.

 

At this point I should mention that there was assigned seating at the reception.

I nearly busted a rib trying not to laugh when we walked up to our table a few minutes later and this fellow and his wife were seated there, too!

 

 

:: betcha didn't know ceiling fans are hypnotic, did you? ::

And thus was the second of three weddings we're slated to attend between in September and December. Apparently it's a good time of year to get hitched!

{ Look }

Look at you, all pretty in pink, fat little sausage toes and dimpled fingers and a gummy grin that splits my heart right open.

Look at you, less than four months old and over a thousand photos of you already sit in folders on my desktop, testimony to how you've won our hearts and become accustomed to the flash in your blue, blue eyes.

Look through those folders, and you'll see snuggles with Daddy; meeting grandparents, aunts and uncles; dozens of cute outfits; silly faces that make me laugh. But where am I?

In all that happy cacophony of baby pictures, I can think of two with me in them. And it makes me wonder: Someday, when you look back on your childhood, will you wonder where your mama was? I mean, you'll remember that I was there with you every day, but will you see it?

In my willingness to stay on the other side of the camera, will you know what I looked like during these exhausting months of new mommyhood? When you are a mama yourself, will you imagine you are the only one with crazy unkempt hair, stubborn pregnancy pounds, and a makeup-free face? Am I painting an unrealistic picture of motherhood for you, my daughter, by staying outside the frame?

It's so easy to do. But maybe today I'll wait for our little photoshoot 'til after Daddy gets home, and have him take a few snapshots of his girls. Together.

{ Nursery Tour }

Welcome to Elaina's room!

When you open the door, first you'll see this Beatrix Potter cross-stitch. A friend of my Mom's made it for Lainie. I love the baby mice lined up in their cradle!

 

Please excuse the tiny baby lying on the floor.

 

I *love* this room: the colors, the furniture, the huge window with an enormous tree right outside--it's my happy place!

The paint color is "Heavy Goose" from the Martha Stewart line at Home Depot. I am delighted with it; it's a pretty true grey, not too blue. The Jenny Lind crib is a $30 craigslist find. I made the curtains...iron-on hemming tape to the rescue.

Chelle made the quilt--it is so breathtaking!! I knitted the pink blanket. The pillows are from the living room and coordinate perfectly {don't worry, I take them out on the rare occasions that Lainie naps in her crib}. It's turning out to be quite convenient that I use so many of the same colors to decorate throughout our home. ;-) 

I swooned over that pink ombre material at Pacific Fabrics and decided to make the crib skirt--iron-on hemming tape again! The tiny chair is from a twice-yearly local vintage/antiques/craft fair. The little brown bear is my teddy bear, Retha. I got her the Christmas I was one year old.

The "You Are So Loved" print is from Katie Daisy's etsy shop, and was my springboard for the whole room. Originally I was going to hang a few paper lanterns in various shades of pink above the crib as a mobile. But Joanna made the "Welcome Elaina" banner for one of my baby showers, and I decided to use it instead. How often does a girl have a personalized welcome banner?!

I picked up the dresser at the same antiques/craft fair as the little chair. Love the color!! And it's the perfect size. The bin holding stuffed animals is a drinks bucket from Target's summer line; the teal basket holding diaper changing supplies is, too. I got the basket at Cost Plus World Market and use it for laundry. I wanted something non-cutesy, not babyish, and definitely not plastic and generic.

:: closeup of the dresser knobs--tiny gold pocketwatches! ::

When I got to the point of actually decorating the nursery, I had a little collection of things I wanted to put on the walls, but no idea how they would go together. Remember the cross-stitch Andrea made for me? Found the perfect teal frame at Target. The mirror and the knob-thingy are from the antiques fair. I made the "E" using leftover fabric from the crib skirt; the hook is from Pier One {I bought it a couple years ago}. 

Do you think Lainie has enough headbands? I don't want her to feel deprived.

When we had the get-together with Anna's and Chelle's families back in March, they threw me a little baby shower. Chelle made a couple buntings and sent them home with me. Now, one lives above the closet doors; the other is above the window {you can see a bit of it in the second photo in this post}. They add a sweet touch of whimsy--perfect little finishing touches!

This is the other side of the room. The dresser is full of Mike's stuff. The roll-top desk is full of my stuff.

One day very soon after we got home from the hospital, we realized we were in dire need of big muslin blankets for swaddling...and a bunch of other things from Babies 'R' Us. Mike stopped by on his way home from work--this may or may not have been the trip where I also sent him to Motherhood Maternity to buy nursing bras {poor man!}--and I liked how the blankets were packaged, all rolled up. So I started storing all of Lainie's blankets rolled up in a basket.

 

:: jar of rose petals, jug of pretty marbles, pot of moss, bird figurine--all from "shopping the house" ::

 

:: part of Baby Bug's extensive shoe collection ::

 

I saved this page from a Susan Branch calendar, hoping it would work in a nursery someday. I'm not crazy about the bright red frame; maybe I'll paint it if I'm ever bored.

 

There are a couple other things I haven't put up yet {a lovely "E" print from Andrea and a birthday cross-stitch from my Mom}, but with all the house-hunting hullaballoo they may not go up 'til our new house. So there you have it! Lainie's room. It's a sweet little spot for one sweet little girl. I hope you enjoyed the tour!

{ A Winner! }

One of the super nice things about blogging is making friends--finding kindred spirits you'd never have met in day-to-day life. Andrea is one of those friends. She's beautiful inside and out--if you've read this post, you've seen evidence of her thoughtfulness and creativity!

 

Last week Andrea had a giveaway on her blog: She would design custom blog headers for two random winners!

 

As I'm sure you've noticed, my blog is sporting a lovely new header. Yep, I won! And I have to say, I love the header she made for me. It's just perfect. Thank you so much, Andrea!! It's as though you could tell I'd been thinking my blog needed spiffed up a little!

 

If you're looking for some lovely prints, or are in need of some custom design work, please take a peek at Andrea's etsy shop. Lots more cute stuff can be seen at her shop blog, Take Joy Designs.

{ Midweek Date Night }

Last week, Lainie and I ventured down to our local farmer's market. It's quite small; just Wednesday afternoons from 3pm-7pm, and less than two dozen vendors, but it's fun and very picturesque {in the lighthouse park, the Puget Sound a few steps away}. I suggested to Mike that we go there for our date this week, so we did.

Disclaimer: You won't see evidence of Lainie or her stroller in any of these photos, but both were definitely present.

.

:: picking out sandwich bread {I just now noticed the tablecloth--love it!} ::

:: My dinner: pear and Gorgonzola pizza with caramelized onions ::

:: the pizza stand--cool oven, huh?! ::

:: One of the pizza guys pretended he was going to photobomb the shot, and Mike encouraged him to actually do it! ::

:: fresh two-patty cheeseburger {is anyone surprised that's what he chose?} ::

:: blackberry lavender ice cream bar for dessert ::

:: coconut lavender ice cream bar...it was SO delicious! {See the bouquet of dahlias Mike got me?} ::

Happy Date Night, Honey!