{ When it's Dark }

I'm not afraid of the dark. And I love all four seasons. But the last couple of years, come November and December, I've wondered if I have seasonal affective disorder {SAD}. Previously I've attributed the mild depression, listlessness, and general malaise toward all aspects of life to different circumstances. But it's happened like clockwork enough Novembers in a row for me to take note. While I definitely don't have all the symptoms, I'm upping my vitamin D intake and considering a light therapy lamp. One of the reasons I've refused to consider it might be SAD is because I grew up in Idaho, which has equally short days and early sunsets in winter, but recently I realized the difference is that in Idaho, it is often sunny during the day in the winter. Not so in the Seattle area. Not so at all.

A couple nights ago, I realized that celebrating Jesus' birth in the darkest, depressingest season of the year is appropriate. Eternal God, outside time, Creator of everything, entered our darkness. Our filth. He took on a fragile, helpless human body. He was born {and I've been there--it's messy and gross and I can't even imagine God being born}. He willingly entered this sin-strewn world. He didn't just rescue us from our darkness, He entered into our darkness. He bore it. He lived in it. And at the end He did what we never can: He bore all God's wrath for every.single.one. of my sins, and the sins of every other Christian. He bore all the punishment we deserve...why? To rescue us from our own darkness. He entered our darkness so we don't have to spend eternity separated from Him--from everything good and beautiful and holy. He saves us not only from the darkness of sin in this world, but from the darkness of eternal separation from Him.

When I think about that, the dark afternoons aren't so hard to bear. They remind me that I don't have to bear the crushing weight of my sin. Jesus already did. God has no wrath left for me--none!! Not even for the sins in my future! Jesus paid all my debt. Something shifts in my head, and I can't wait to celebrate Jesus' birth on December 25. Without His incarnation, without His sinless life in my place, without His death for my sins and resurrection that promises me eternal life, whoa. December is really bleak. Life really does suck. But with Jesus? What's a little three-month patch of no sunshine compared to being ransomed from death?!

So now I have Christmas lights on and a mug of hot spiced cider to keep me company while Lainie naps--no Christmas carols though, which might wake her up...and the 4 o'clock-ish sunset time doesn't really bother me.

And with that, Lainie's awake. Later!

{ Christmas Downtown }

One Christmas tradition Mike and I are revamping to accomodate our family of three is the fabled downtown Seattle Christmas date. Last year we had so much fun: A full day of sunshine, glorious colors, beautiful decorations, Pike's Public Market, good food, gingerbread houses, and no throwing up. This year, Miss Peanut is 5 1/2 months outside the womb, instead of a mere 11-week-twinkle in my tummy, which made things ever so much different!

 

For starters, it rained the whole day--when we left home, it was borderline snowing. This was actually a blessing in disguise; because the weather was sour, crowds were minimal. I was shocked that the market wasn't packed at noon on a Saturday in December.

 

We talked beforehand about what we really wanted to do, knowing that how long we could stay downtown depended on Lainie's disposition. We both wanted to ride the carousel, and I wanted to walk through the market. Anything else would be icing on the cake. Normally Lainie goes about two hours between naps, but when we're out and about {meaning that she is entertained by things and people other than just mommy} that easily stretches double. She's a happy tired baby. 

 

First we went to the carousel. Lainie approached it as she did the rest of the light, noise, and color she encountered that day: as a quiet, poker-faced observer. She wasn't scared at all!

 

 

:: it is really hard to get good shots on a carousel, when you and your subjects are on separate, independently moving horses ::

 

:: Hi-Ho Silver, and away! ::

 

Then we went to the market. Forgive me for not snapping any photos...I'm in the process of forgiving myself.

 

A kind lady offered to take our photo. Several people stopped us to comment on what a cute baby we have.

 

Lainie's bodysuit cracks me up--she looks like a giant pink Peep! It's a bit big, but it is the warmest thing we had for her to wear. She couldn't have moved if she wanted to, but she was toasty!

 

Another thing I just noticed: Aside from the scarf, I'm wearing exactly the same outfit I wore on our Seattle date last year. LOL...if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

 

By now it was raining harder, and we were getting hungry. All of us. We kept walking by these amazing-smelling shops, and because I can't eat dairy right now {I'll tell you about that next time}, most of it I couldn't eat. All Mike wanted was coffee from the original Starbucks, but the line was literally stretching out the door. So, after feeding Lainie in the car, we had lunch at an Indian restaurant. My dairy-free coconut curry was delicious, though I did covet Mike's garlic naan. Just a lil bit. And then we headed home.

 

This year's outing looked so different from 2011's, but it was still so good! If the weather had been nicer, we probably would have stayed out longer, but when you're cold and wet and getting wetter, going home to cozy up for a nap sounds pretty enticing.

 

What are your Christmasy plans?

{ Finding Balance }

Every Christmas I struggle over how to keep my focus on Christ. It's so easy to get caught up in trying to do every Christmasy craft that catches my eye on Pinterest, baking and candymaking, parties and carols and so much bustle and clamor that I often arrive on December 25 feeling breathless...and ashamed. Realizing I have literally not spent any time thinking about the Incarnation or preparing my heart for Christmas. And then I get frustrated: Christmas is about Christ, and here I've been worrying about whether or not I made enough fudge, if it will be funky by that party, when are we going to put up lights, when to brave the mall to get that gift, etc.

As a married couple, Mike and I have tried to place a high priority on Jesus' incarnation instead of the materialism that seems to just explode this time of year. Now with a little one, we are continuing to be intentional about centering the Christmas season around Jesus. {Not having a TV and not going to the mall in December make it easy to miss a lot of the commercialism, but boy do I ever do an excellent job of coveting and comparing via the internet!} Mike and I also have a handful of nice Christmas traditions we've established, and as our family grows and changes, we want to continue incorporating them into the holiday season--as long as they remain meaningful and fun. We've been talking about our expectations and how activities and traditions will be different with a five-and-a-half month old baby in tow. Add to that the fact that Mike is very busy at work, so time and energy are precious commodities. Suffice it to say, turning my heart toward Jesus instead of "stuff" and molding our plans to fit around Lainie's needs has proven to be an exercise...but a rewarding one!

In spite of Thanksgiving being a week early, Advent still snuck up on me, and I found myself putting together our muffin tin Advent calendar on November 30th. In years past I've written a different little activity for us to do each day, ranging from "Buy festive lattes on the way to church" to "Put change in a Salvation Army bucket" to "Find mistletoe...xoxo." This year, I knew it would be stressful to have a daily "assignment." Instead, I wrote prompts for each day to help us remember the gifts Jesus has given us, like

 

A gift you can see

 

A gift you can taste

 

A gift that's alive

 

A gift that you didn't expect

It only takes a minute or two to read the day's prompt and share with each other specific gifts we're thankful for. I also sprinkled an activity in every few days, like having candy cane cocoa and burning a Christmas CD...things that are easy and we to want to do anyway.

Speaking of Christmas CDs, every year that we've been married, Mike and I have spent an evening perusing carols online {iTunes? Zune? I don't know} and taking turns picking 12 songs to burn onto a CD. This year's album is by far the most lackluster. I've listened to it a couple times, and it's like we didn't even try--it is boring, my friends. Boring. Probably because we were both hallucinatingly tired and juggling a wiggly baby between us. Better luck in 2013?

And speaking of Advent...I tend to be a legalistic nitwit about it: We have to do the readings daily, and if we miss a day, we must catch up. The reality for us this year is that many weekdays, we have very little time together. Mike leaves for work before I get up in the morning; he's super busy and sometimes has to work from home in the evenings. We are still trying to convince Lainie that her bedtime is before 10:30pm; so we frequently spend a couple hours each evening in that continual exercise of endurance, patience, and about-to-fall-off-the-cliff-of-insanity known as "putting the baby to bed." So we read our Advent devotional, Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree Journey, together when we can, and I keep up with it during my quiet time. Just cuz we can't do it daily as a family doesn't mean we can't do it at all...or that I can't do it on my own.

A couple weeks ago we went to Wights, a local nursery/garden store that goes whole hog for Christmas, to buy The Ornament of 2012--another tradition. I wore Lainie in the Baby Bjorn, facing out, and I think she stuck her arms straight out like a happy octopus the entire time, trying to touch everything.

 

:: we both look frightened...charming. ::

And can I just say that after having a 12 pound baby in a Bjorn, I am sooooooo glad I spent the money to buy an Ergo--my shoulders were killing me after a few minutes, but I can wear her in the Ergo for hours without pain. Seriously, if you're gonna wear your baby, an ergonomically correct carrier is worth the money!!

And that's how we're trying to find balance this Christmas season. Trying to choose things that turn our hearts toward Jesus, bring us together as a family, and resist the pressure to make this just another commercialized spending extravaganza. Jesus gives us Himself. He is all we need.

{ It's the Most Wonderful Tiiiiiiiiiime }

...of the year!

How is it already December, pray tell? I could have sworn that Halloween was last week. My own home betrays my sense of time: Our tree is up and decorated, twinkle lights strung, and--get this!--most of the Christmas shopping done! {Thanks to the internets.} I've been listening to this Christmas album constantly for the last week or so; the last song gives me chills every time. Let me share a couple verses with you:

When on the day the great I Am
The faithful and the true
The Lamb who was for sinners slain
Is making all things new.

Behold our God shall live with us
And be our steadfast light
And we shall ere his people be
All glory be to Christ!

All glory be to Christ our king!
All glory be to Christ!
His rule and reign will ever sing,
All glory be to Christ!

{ lyrics by Dustin Kensrue }

Beautiful, isn't it? It blows my mind to think of God--God--living with us. Humans. I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but in October I went to a womens conference at my church. Elyse Fitzpatrick was the speaker, and though the conference was called "Counsel from the Cross," the bulk of her talk was about the gospel and what that means for our identities and our daily lives. Now, I have never read a single one of her books, though I own at least one, but wow...Jesus met me in her words. I've known Jesus all my life, as far back as I can remember, but something about the way Elyse presented the gospel and tied it to real life--it's like a switch flipped in my brain. I get the gospel and Jesus and Calvary and grace in a different way now. A way that makes my breath catch. A way that makes sense...in a way that causes me to actually believe that I am a worse sinner than I can imagine, and that God loves and welcomes me more than I will ever know. I "get" the way Elyse thinks and speaks, if that makes any sense. I came home hungry for Jesus, and in my spare quiet moments {ha} I've been listening to audio recordings of some of her other talks online. In the midst of this, I'm also finishing up reading Redemption by Mike Wilkerson, which looks at the gospel through the lens of the Exodus story of the Israelites being delivered from Egypt. The section I'm in right now talks about how the whole point of the Bible--the whole point of God's redemptive plan--is that God might live with us. Make His dwelling among us. Which ties in with a lot of the truths I'm mulling over from Elyse's presentations. And it's Christmastime, the season when we celebrate God sending His Son to redeem us from our sin by living with us and dying for us, bearing God's wrath in our place. I feel like there are a lot of loose ends God is gently weaving together in my soul right now. It's an exciting place to be.

Oh--and have any of you heard of this book, Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith? I am dying to read it! I read a review of it that piqued my interest, but Mike was skeptical...so I dug around online and found that Tim Challies gives it his "absolute highest recommendation," which only makes me wish for an audio version because when am I going to have time to read another book? Guess I'll add it to the pile...after I read at least one by Elyse Fitzpatrick. ;-)

And with that, I'll close. If I don't wake Lainie up from her nap now, we may never get to sleep tonight!

{ Christmas 2011 }

This year, Mike and I were able to spend Christmas in Idaho with my side of the family.

I was excited.

I haven't spent Christmas with my family since 2008, when Mike and I were dating, and Mike has never been over for Christmas. Visions of the best Christmases past danced through my head:

lots of snow, falling softly at regular intervals

lots of sledding and inner-tubing on the hills outside Mom and Dad's house

caroling with their church, complete with haybales piled in trucks for the adventuresome to ride on

endless piles of delicious food

card games, board games, and laughing 'til my sides hurt

lots of time with family and friends I don't see often

Some of those things did happen, and they were lovely. We did go caroling, which was a blast. We were positively stuffed with scrumptious food, far more frequently than we ought to have eaten {I am convinced that my mother's love language is feeding people}. We spent lots of time with relatives and played card games to an extent that probably shocked Mike, coming as he does from a non-game-playing family. Other things didn't materialize--like, there was no snow. At all. For the entire eight days we were there. Unheard of!! I was so, so disappointed about that. Some attitude readjustment was definitely in order on that front. But other than the unseasonably warm weather, we had a great trip!

My brother Obediah and I decorated the Christmas tree

Mike did lots of target practice with my brothers Joe and Emery and my Dad.

One morning Joe, Mike, and my cousin Andrew went coyote hunting. They didn't get anything, but Mike spotted the only coyote they saw that day. Seriously, give boys some guns and they are happy for hours!

After paying no attention for some time, the horses decided they were interested in all the shooting that was going on

Joe looks a little worried...maybe he should try swinging, that always helps me feel better!

Beautiful view from the yard

And we played games. Oh, how we played games!! Scum, Phase 10, and rummy were the favorites. One night, my parents' friends Ralph and Sharon came over, and the eight of us played Phase 10...for hours. And hours. It was the game that never ended. Ralph sang "short people songs" to Sharon. Mom got slightly hysterical. I got completely confused and wasted one hand trying to get the phase I'd already gotten the time before. Finally, at 11:30pm, 5.5 hours after we started, Mike won. He snuck up from behind {after being stuck for many hands on phase 1 and phase 6} to win by both phases and points. It was so much fun, but we all pretty much fell into bed!

Obediah on one of his horses, Teko

One really special part of the week was getting to meet my brother Emery's fiancee, Becky. They are getting married in April, but because of how far apart we all live, we hadn't met her before. She's a sweet lady and they are so cute together!

Emery and one of several cool flashlights Becky gave him. A screwdriver head fits in the face of this one!

Joe used a plasma cutter to make this metal plaque for my dad. See the Caterpillar on top and "Steve's Shop" below? Cool!

Dad really enjoyed all the books we gave him about logging/timber/sawmilling in the Pacific Northwest.

Becky and her sister crocheted an afghan for Emery--I don't think I've ever seen him this delighted!

Since he was a butcher for several years, Joe was in charge of the prime rib roast we had for dinner.

It. Was. Fantastic. {And I'm not much of a meat-eater!}

Later on Christmas Day, while us kids were playing rummy, Dad and Mom decided to go on a walk. On their way outside, I couldn't help noticing that Dad was wearing...two belts.

Me: "Um, Dad, did you know you're wearing two belts?"

Dad: "Yup!"

Me: "Uhhhh...why?"

Dad: "One's to hold my pants up, one is for the gun!"

Since there had been a wolf kill a few miles away the night before, I guess I can't give him too much crap for that!

Emery napping with his new afghan and Zoe, Becky's dog

Sadly, this is the only decent photo I have of Emery and Becky together. It was hardly short of a miracle that she convinced him to ride a horse! Apparently Em's not much of a horse person nowadays...

One nice part about unseasonably warm weather was that we went on lots of walks. Sometimes just me and Mike, sometimes the two of us and Mom and Dad.

I really didn't take enough photos this trip. For example, one night there was a big get-together at my cousin's house, which involved lots of games and food and laughter and general craziness. I took one photo. And it's not great. See for yourself:

L-R: Audrey, Christy {my cousin, and auntie to all these little girls}, Emily, Obediah, and Kate

Gorgeous sunrise

The house where I grew up

While up on the farm, Joe built what I think is called a "crazy bike." It's basically a tricycle with two crazy wheels on the back. Because there are no flat, paved surfaces at my parents' house, he couldn't try it out 'til we went to town on the day we left. It is definitely a crazy bike. If only all the spinning and drifting didn't look like it would make me nauseous...

I'm so thankful for my family, the chance to spend a long chunk of time with them, and how graciously and eagerly they've integrated Mike right in. I'm also really grateful for how completely Mike has taken them as his family, and for all the time he took off of work so that we could spend Christmas with them. {In case you haven't figured it out already, Mike is amazing.} It was a wonderful week!

P.S. Mom, I didn't post any pictures of you because none of them were very flattering...and I know how you feel about pictures like that. ;-)

{ Merry Christmas! }

Last week we had a fire in our fireplace for the first time. It's a shame: This is our third winter in this home, and our lovely fireplace has been filled with candles and seasonal knickknacks up 'til now. The truth is, we weren't sure we wanted a real fire: soot, smoke, did they really clean the chimney that one time?, etc. And the farm girl in me still isn't sure we can call it a real fire when we burned a man-made "log" wrapped in paper...

...but it was so worth it. We don't know why we didn't use the fireplace sooner! Cozy, inviting, nice and crackling and with the faint scent of smoke in the air...sigh. It's lovely.

I hope that wherever you are, your Christmas is filled with Jesus' presence. With fresh understanding and gratitude for God made helpless baby, newborn-fresh in a barn feed trough. With joy that transcends holiday stresses, family squabbles, travel woes, scorched gravy. Filled with friends and family you hold dear. With love, laughter, good food, crackling fires, rosy cheeks just in from the snow, family stories that get a little more hilarious each time they're told.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Merry Christmas, friends!

{ Christmas Goodies }

Much as I love Christmas candy, and fortuitous though it is that I'm not working outside the home, I'm not going crazy with the sweets this year.

My reason is that Peanut isn't very fond of anything in the general category of "making food"--though baking and candy-making are by far the easiest kinds of "food" for me to tackle right now!

Last year I made several kinds of candies and cookies, and Mike and I gave them in little gift bags to our nearest neighbors. We're planning to do the same this year. Though both of us love oreo truffles {recipe here}, they take f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to make--even with two people!--so I have decided to try all new recipes.

Yesterday I made two batches of chocolate nutella fudge with sea salt...YUM! If you want to give this creamy, delicious, hazelnutty, chocolatey, decadent, slightly salty treat a try, here is the recipe. Added bonus: her photos are much more appetizing than mine. I just have a point-and-shoot camera, but when I look at this I still want to lick my computer screen.

I've also made peppermint gumdrops, thanks to Bakerella's recipe here. In spite of generous administration of red food coloring, my gumdrops are definitely orangey, not red as I'd hoped. Oh well. They still taste like peppermint, and it's just fun to say that you've made gumdrops!

Right now I'm making oreo bark, in honor of the illustrious oreo--quite possibly Mr. and Mrs. Mike's favorite cookie. {Well.....favorite store-bought cookie. I don't think anything can shake chocolate chip cookies, or M&M cookies, from the #1 Cookie spot in Mike's heart.} I forgot to take photos...sorry. And I'm not sure why I'm so italicised tonight. Lots of things just need a little extra emphasis, apparently.

What are your favorite Christmas treats? Something your mom or grandma made? A delicious recipe you just found? Do tell!



{ Come Fly With Me }

For Christmas last year, I gave Mike a flight lesson.

We live in the Pacific Northwest.

For obvious reasons, he decided to wait 'til summertime to use the lesson.

We're still waiting for summer to show up.

In the Lord's good grace, the Sunday in June that we scheduled the flight lesson was balmy, rain-free, and...overcast? Oh well, the cloud cover was far higher than our little Cessna, so we still had a spectacular time!

Mt. Rainier, seen from the runway while we waited for our airplane

Mike could've taken two passengers along for his flight, but chose just to bring me.

I think he was a little nervous that we might both perish during this endeavor.

After all, it was only his third airplane ride.

As he told the flight instructor before we took off, "Why do I need to fly? Everything I want is right here!"

#1 - At age 22, he flew to Idaho to ask my dad for permission to marry me

#2 - Also age 22, we flew to Hawai'i for our honeymoon

#3 - Age 24, he not only flies in a Cessna--he takes the controls for part of the flight!

 Looking over the map with Bubba, the flight instructor.

No kididng....that's really what they call him.



In the back seat, waiting for takeoff

Waiting on the runway to be cleared for takeoff

Mike was a bit leery of this whole idea, from the time he opened the gift certificate 'til {I think} we were actually in the air. I'll admit, I was 50/50 on whether or not to get this for him and thought about it for several days. It's not up his alley--but that could be because he's never had a chance to explore this alley! I figured he'd enjoy it, but I was also worried that he might think it was more like something I want to do {I've flown more than him, but no way do I care to take the controls}. I'm really glad that he was so gracious about this experience, and went ahead with the flight even though it wasn't something he would have chosen for himself. Because, once we were airborne, he had a blast.

At least, that's what it looked like from the back seat, where I was voraciously snapping photos and listening to the cackle of our headsets!

Qwest Field and Safeco Field from the air--hi there, sports fans!

Downtown Seattle and Elliot Bay

The Space Needle, with Lake Union and Lake Washington in the background

Oh Mt. Baker, you are beautiful!

Over Lake Washington

We buzzed around Microsoft for a bit. These are the headquarters buildings, according to my dashing pilot-husband. {Can I tell you a secret? Once Mike abbreviated "Microsoft" as "msft" in a text message. I thought what he meant was "misfit," not Microsoft...after all, you only have to add two letters to get from msft to misfit! So now I sometimes call Microsoft "misfits" instead. As in, "Hey babe, are you still at misfits?"}

Over Lake Union, looking south to Seattle and West Seattle

Hi, Golden Gardens! You're a lovely beach!

Discovery Park, where our engagement photos were taken. I've only been there once, and the park encompasses 534 acres, so it was neat to see it from the air and get the "big picture."

Coming in for the landing!

~ All smiles ~

He couldn't wipe that grin off his face for the rest of the day. I think he enjoyed himself tremendously!

I love you, Michael....merry Christmas in June!