i feel like i can get nothing done today. it's one of those days where, no matter how sweetly i sing, how gently i rock, or how many 20-minute "let's go to sleep" sessions i perform, lainie refuses to nap for more than 30 minutes at a time.i feel like i'm stuck on a hamster wheel with a tired baby who just can't figure out how to stay asleep. so i get her to sleep...again and again and again. and she wakes up...again and again and again.
i wouldn't be so frustrated if she and i weren't flying to idaho tomorrow and i have yet to pack, or make food for mike to eat while we're gone, or all the other half dozen important things that i can't do once i'm a few hundred miles away.
i know that in the grand scheme of things, this "stuff" isn't really important. one way or another we will make it to the airport tomorrow, even if the kitchen counter is covered in dirty dishes that will probably not be washed 'til i'm back home. *sigh*
so i'm trying to keep the eyes of my heart on Jesus as i rock little one to sleep for what feels like the four billionth time today. reminding myself that i am every bit as stubborn and foolish and demanding as she is...again and again and again. followed by reminding myself that Jesus loves me, died for me, took all God's wrath for me, and gives me His perfect righteousness as my record, because He bore all the punishment my stubbornness and foolishness and sin. again and again and again i have to remind myself.
maybe it's a good thing lainie and i are living in the rocking chair today.
OH, isn't it these moments that either leave you bald or a much more patient and calm person? It's true, in the moment, that battle between the "to-do" and the "is." It's good to talk ourselves through what really matters... and let our hearts settle there. And the other stuff can fade for a bit. I know that God smiles down on your mother's heart... and pray that He rewards your sacrifice with more productivity than should be possible in the time you'll have to do it all. :)
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ReplyDeleteYou will get done what needs to be done. It is frustrating that so much of life is "again". But if that is how the good Lord intended it I guess we should relax and enjoy doing things again and again. :)
ReplyDeleteSo looking forward to seeing you and dear Lainie! Just think, you won't have to do any dishes for a week... unless you want to! This struggle of naps is probably one of the most challenging parts of being a mom. I am getting used to my little man not taking a nap at all. Sigh. Will be praying for you and for your week in Idaho. Travel is challenging with little ones, but so fun, too to see your family! Sooooo excited to see you in a week!
ReplyDeleteOh, I so know and remember those days and I just want to encourage you. You rocking that little one, that is what you needed to do today. It may feel like you won't get it all done for your trip, but amazingly you will get done what needs to be done. That is all He asks..do what you can do. You are doing a great job and just continue to turn to Him again and again! Safe travels!
ReplyDeleteIt will get better.... but you will miss it just a little bit. You're in an intense season of sin purging with a newborn... it's tough to look in the mirror at all that selfishness. He will perfect you. Rejoice always.
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