{ Nursery Tour }

Welcome to Elaina's room!

When you open the door, first you'll see this Beatrix Potter cross-stitch. A friend of my Mom's made it for Lainie. I love the baby mice lined up in their cradle!

 

Please excuse the tiny baby lying on the floor.

 

I *love* this room: the colors, the furniture, the huge window with an enormous tree right outside--it's my happy place!

The paint color is "Heavy Goose" from the Martha Stewart line at Home Depot. I am delighted with it; it's a pretty true grey, not too blue. The Jenny Lind crib is a $30 craigslist find. I made the curtains...iron-on hemming tape to the rescue.

Chelle made the quilt--it is so breathtaking!! I knitted the pink blanket. The pillows are from the living room and coordinate perfectly {don't worry, I take them out on the rare occasions that Lainie naps in her crib}. It's turning out to be quite convenient that I use so many of the same colors to decorate throughout our home. ;-) 

I swooned over that pink ombre material at Pacific Fabrics and decided to make the crib skirt--iron-on hemming tape again! The tiny chair is from a twice-yearly local vintage/antiques/craft fair. The little brown bear is my teddy bear, Retha. I got her the Christmas I was one year old.

The "You Are So Loved" print is from Katie Daisy's etsy shop, and was my springboard for the whole room. Originally I was going to hang a few paper lanterns in various shades of pink above the crib as a mobile. But Joanna made the "Welcome Elaina" banner for one of my baby showers, and I decided to use it instead. How often does a girl have a personalized welcome banner?!

I picked up the dresser at the same antiques/craft fair as the little chair. Love the color!! And it's the perfect size. The bin holding stuffed animals is a drinks bucket from Target's summer line; the teal basket holding diaper changing supplies is, too. I got the basket at Cost Plus World Market and use it for laundry. I wanted something non-cutesy, not babyish, and definitely not plastic and generic.

:: closeup of the dresser knobs--tiny gold pocketwatches! ::

When I got to the point of actually decorating the nursery, I had a little collection of things I wanted to put on the walls, but no idea how they would go together. Remember the cross-stitch Andrea made for me? Found the perfect teal frame at Target. The mirror and the knob-thingy are from the antiques fair. I made the "E" using leftover fabric from the crib skirt; the hook is from Pier One {I bought it a couple years ago}. 

Do you think Lainie has enough headbands? I don't want her to feel deprived.

When we had the get-together with Anna's and Chelle's families back in March, they threw me a little baby shower. Chelle made a couple buntings and sent them home with me. Now, one lives above the closet doors; the other is above the window {you can see a bit of it in the second photo in this post}. They add a sweet touch of whimsy--perfect little finishing touches!

This is the other side of the room. The dresser is full of Mike's stuff. The roll-top desk is full of my stuff.

One day very soon after we got home from the hospital, we realized we were in dire need of big muslin blankets for swaddling...and a bunch of other things from Babies 'R' Us. Mike stopped by on his way home from work--this may or may not have been the trip where I also sent him to Motherhood Maternity to buy nursing bras {poor man!}--and I liked how the blankets were packaged, all rolled up. So I started storing all of Lainie's blankets rolled up in a basket.

 

:: jar of rose petals, jug of pretty marbles, pot of moss, bird figurine--all from "shopping the house" ::

 

:: part of Baby Bug's extensive shoe collection ::

 

I saved this page from a Susan Branch calendar, hoping it would work in a nursery someday. I'm not crazy about the bright red frame; maybe I'll paint it if I'm ever bored.

 

There are a couple other things I haven't put up yet {a lovely "E" print from Andrea and a birthday cross-stitch from my Mom}, but with all the house-hunting hullaballoo they may not go up 'til our new house. So there you have it! Lainie's room. It's a sweet little spot for one sweet little girl. I hope you enjoyed the tour!

{ Race }

It's Five Minute Friday again, folks!

~*~*~

When did this life become a contest? A kind of race against myself? Do more. Faster. Be better at XYZ. Accomplish everything on this list today, and I win! Win what? Tired-and-crabby-Nikki? Great prize!

I treat so much of my life like I'm competing desperately in a competition, and almost always coming up short. The to-do lists never end. There's always another meal to cook, another load of laundry waiting, another errand to run, another book I ought to read. Am I living looking so far ahead at what remains to be done that I'm missing today?

Yes.

So often my answer to that question is Yes. It breaks my heart when I stop and think about it. I don't want Lainie to grow up with a mama who is always rushing from one thing to the next, always trying to get more done and be more efficient and have more time and be a better parent--to the point where I'm not actually present in the present. I want to be here with her. I want her to know that life isn't a competition and she doesn't have to worry about winning because it's not a race. It's a gift.

So today I choose to play peek-a-boo and count piggies and spend as long as she wants talking and giggling and cooing with her. I choose to put down the running shoes and just be.

{ this and that }

last week i spilled soup on my laptop.

it was really good soup too, this random paleo recipe with chicken and sweet potatoes and kale and peanut butter, so good that mike has told me like five times that if i ever want to make it again, he fully approves {and he never says that about soup!!}. moral of the story: don't try to eat lunch, answer emails, and play with lainie on the living room floor, all at the same time. otherwise you will spend the next hour scrubbing sweet-potato-orange goo out of the carpet, using toothpicks to scrape sweet potatoes out from under the keys on your laptop, and cursing your tendency to over-multitask. and then none of the number keys will work, so you can't log into your email or facebook or even log onto your computer, and even mr. computer fix-it husband o' yours can't make the numbers work. so you are relegated to using mr. husband's desktop computer, which has a host of issues of its own, plus it's like not portable and stuff, so you just aren't on the computer much for now. hopefully someday soon you will have a chance {and the stamina for a long car ride with a baby who doesn't like her carseat} to drive to the computer shop all the way in seattle to get your keyboard replaced.

that's my excuse for not blogging lately.

ironic because i've wanted to blog lots of times since paleo soup fell from the sky onto my technology.

it's fall. really truly fall. the air is crisp and chilly, the sunlight is gorgeously yellow, and i want PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. like, seriously, everything. must go through the comments on this post asap to find all the yummy pumpkin goodness i can. until very recently i hated pumpkin everything. i'm not sure what changed; maybe it was the pregnancy?? but anyways last fall i could.not.get.enough.pumpkin.spice.lattes, and the same thing is happening this year. {and salted caramel mochas. oh yes. but pumpkin spice lattes have the top spot, and not from starbucks--much more pumpkinny and not overly sweet if you get it from an independent coffee stand.} i still don't like pumpkin pie, but i'm all over every other pumpkin-related concoction.

we're dedicating lainie at church on sunday, and my whole family minus one brother is coming! {dratted weekend work schedules.} i'm excited to see everyone...it will be a crazy couple days, but well worth it. mostly i'm excited for them to see little miss. she has changed so much since my parents were here in july...she wasn't even four weeks old the last time they were here.

we're househunting. like really seriously househunting...keep us in your prayers! it's a huge decision, not to mention an incredible financial commitment...and after consoling myself with the thought that we will most likely buy a short sale, so it will be months and months before the deal is closed and we have to move, one of our top contenders is not a short sale and if it happens, we may end up moving before the holidays. golly gee whiz, i should probably start collecting boxes! do you think mike will help me hang a couple more pictures on the wall here, or will he say we ought to just wait till we move??

buuuuut, on the plus side, i'm getting totally stoked about decorating and re-arranging and making a new nest!! driving around running errands today, i had this burning desire to go home and read "hidden art" and flip through domino's big book of decorating. and i'm seriously crushing on this blog...so many cool, do-able decorating ideas!

sometimes i just feel like writing all smalls. not sure why. i think i feel like i can type faster, keep up with my train of thought better. i never know how long i have before little miss will require my attention, so anything that gets the words out faster is a-ok in my book!

in case you were wondering, i'm a few weeks in, and i totally love cloth diapering. especially when i arrange the diapers in roy g. biv order. i never understood people who talked cloth diapers all the time, the internet forums--the great passion people have for, um, cloth diapers?? like, really? now i get it. i don't understand what happens when you start cloth diapering, but i totally get the passion. somebody should probably scan my brain.

and now i'm going to tackle the mountain of dirty dishes taking over my kitchen.

{ Grasp }

I was petrified of committing to Five Minute Friday: Set a timer for five minutes and just write. Use the prompt on Lisa-Jo's blog and just go. But it has been good for me, so good for me, to write about things from a perspective other than "this is what we've been up to lately." So here I am again: Five Minute Friday!

~*~*~

I've gotten lazy, and I'd like to blame it on motherhood and caring for an infant 24/7, but maybe I should be a little more honest and acknowledge it goes back farther than that {can I blame it on pregnancy? work? getting married?}. I've gotten lazy about my time with You, Jesus, and it screws up my days and my mind and my life.

I don't fully comprehend the ramifications of choosing to cook dinner or fold laundry or fritter away time on Facebook instead of seeking Your face. But I know some of the cumulative effects...the dryness, the bone-deep, parched, desperate-for-water feeling that pierces my soul. I grasp at springs of water that turn into mirages. You know them. You know how easily I am fooled by their shimmering promises of hope and rest and peace apart from You.

I spend so much time reaching for the wrong things, trying to find what only You can provide anywhere but with You.

So now I come to you, feeling weak and ashamed and embarrassed to acknowledge the futility of what I spend so much time doing. Take my hand--reach for me--pull me up out of the hole I've dug with Your strong grasp.

{ Birthdays }

Mike's birthday was on Sunday. I won't tell you how old he is because he thinks he's "old" now. {To which I say: You're not old till you're older than ME!}

 

I got up early to make him a big birthday breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, blueberry waffles {total copout: frozen Aunt Jemima waffles!}, OJ, and coffee. We went to church, and then headed up Chuckanut Drive to Bellingham. It was a perfect fall day: sunny, hazy from all the wildfires in the Pacific Northwest, and mild. We had lunch at Bayou on Bay--mostly I just ate sweet potato fries--then we went across the street to Woods Coffee and enjoyed coffee and baby snuggles in the sunshine. If you've been reading my blog for long, you probably recognize this as one of our favorite dates...as a matter of fact, this day was almost identical to our last Bellingham date in March, only this time Lainie was no longer in utero. ;-)

 

 

:: Mike's Aunt Marian knitted the sweater, hat, and booties ::

 

:: Daddy kisses!! ::

 

On the way home, we stopped at one of the lookouts and braved a rocky, precipitous trail on the side of a cliff with our infant daughter. Living on the edge, I tell ya! The sun was about to set, and it was this gorgeous hot pink/orange color because of all the smoke in the atmosphere...breathtaking!

.

 

 

~*~*~

 

 

And today is Lainie Rae's three-month birthday! How is she already three months old?!!

 

Lately she LOVES diaper changes! Even in the middle of the night after eating, she goes from sound asleep to grinning, animated talking, and pure excitement when I change her diaper. {Thankfully she falls asleep again almost as quickly as she wakes up.}

 

Speaking of animated talking: We have a chatterbox on our hands. The minute you make eye contact and start talking, she just lights up and participates with all sorts of noises. She talks to me allllllll the time, and it cracks me up because most of her noises are little dinosaur/alien sounds. Almost like chirps. It's so cute.

 

Last Saturday we went to Lainie's first wedding. Unfortunately she and I missed the ceremony because she had to eat right now, but at the reception, she and Mike danced together and then I joined them for a "family dance." She was a little awestruck by all the activity, and the loud music overwhelmed her after a bit, but all in all I thought it was pretty successful for a three-month-old!

 

 

:: Drooling. It happens. ::

 

A couple days ago I was desperate to vacuum--postpartum hair loss is no joke and my hair is EVERYWHERE--so I put Lainie in the Ergo and started vacuuming. She fell asleep. Just too boring, I guess.

 

 

:: doesn't she have the longest eyelashes?! ::

 

She's getting really good at this long middle-of-the-day nap...I swaddle her after third breakfast and she usually sleeps at least three hours. There's almost always a shorter {1-1.5 hour} nap in the late afternoon/evening as well.

 

On Tuesday we passed a big milestone: Lainie fell asleep, by herself, in her crib in her room for the first time. I've been working on getting her to fall asleep for her naps by herself in her cosleeper for the last week or two, but so far her nursery has been far too exciting for anything as mundane as sleep. My hope is to get her to fall asleep for the night in her room in the next week or two, even if she doesn't spend the whole night there.

 

This week I was finally able to start moving her into size 0-3 month clothing--and she's 13 weeks old! YAY!!!! I don't know how much my little Peanut weighs, but newborn clothing is officially too small. AT LAST. Dude, the magazines tell you not to even buy newborn clothing "because they will only wear it for a few days"--ha! The funny thing is, there's still extra girth in the newborn clothes, it's that she's way too long for them now. I think she's growing up, not out.

 

 

:: "See how much too long I am?" ::

 

Drooling...yes. Lots and lots of drool and bubbles. The hand-gnawing I mentioned recently? Still makes an occasional appearance {see below}.

 

 

 

One day recently, in her bouncy chair on the dining room table, she realized the ceiling fan blades were moving. That was fascinating for quite a while.

 

 

I'm sure there are half a dozen adorable things I'm forgetting to mention, but if I don't finish this post up now, it will be days before it's published.

 

Happy Birthday to my two loves!!!

 

xoxoxoxoxo

{ In Which There is Emotional Turmoil }

Random thought of the week, while snapping photos of Lainie at the beach: If I had a smartphone with a data plan and stuff, I bet I'd blog a lot more. I could just take pictures with my phone and upload them to my blog. None of this "create folder on computer, find download cable, find camera, download photos from camera, edit photos in Picasa, upload to blog, write cute post" business. I was as shocked to hear myself think that as you are to read it, Mike.

 

~*~*~

 

Anyway...

 

This week we looked at houses. More houses. Houses here and houses there. We've never "house-hunted" before. After we got engaged, we only looked at a couple condos {by ourselves, no realtor} before deciding to buy this one, and a friend who was a realtor at the time acted as our agent. Our priorities were different and our list of needs and wants was much shorter then, too. The thing that has surprised me the most so far is how sobering it is to look for a home. A large part of that is realizing the enormity of the decision: We commit to buy this house. To pay a lot of money for this bit of real estate. To live in this community. To say yes to this commute for Mike and these home improvements. We go in a home, and I immediately imagine myself living there...which is surprisingly hard to do. Why would I want to live here when I already have a nice, cozy, full-of-homeyness-home? I try to imagine cooking meals in this kitchen, sleeping in this bedroom, playing with Lainie on this living room floor, and it feels like brain surgery. For reals. Does anybody else have this problem?? And I'm not even thinking {yet!} about saying goodbye to the sweet little treehouse that has seen all our newlywed years, my first pregnancy, Lainie's infancy...all the painting and decorating, watching Hulu on laptops, our first Christmases and dinner parties and so many sweet memories.

 

If those aspects of house-hunting are sobering, the prices are downright discouraging. I know the Seattle area is one of the most expensive places in the country, but seriously?! It's hard to think of spending almost $300k on a house that needs work. And I don't think that's just me being persnickety. The mind boggles.

 

If only we didn't want to have a large family and thus require at least a three-bedroom...

 

Riiiiiight.  

 

I've been struggling with feeling like this is a deadly serious decision and we are either going to get it right {slim chance} or horribly, horribly wrong {entirely possible}. After our second round of house-looking, I went down to the beach with Lainie. I had a headache and really didn't want to make the effort to pack her up and go out. I forgot how windy and cold it is on the waterfront; we were both underdressed. Thankfully Lainie had fallen asleep in the car and was perfectly fine with two blankets {that's all I had with me} snugged around her in the stroller. I had this notion that I was going to read or journal or have this deep conversation with God about what lies ahead for us, but instead I just stared and did nothing. Tide out, noisy birds, lots of boaters, sun blinding white, kids shrieking on the playground.

 

 

:: it was bright as the Second Coming in reality, too ::

 

Lainie woke up pretty quickly. Once she got over her initial shock at the wind--I think it makes her feel like she can't catch her breath--she was utterly delighted to be out. She smiled and cooed nonstop, excited to look at everything and "talk." She's often upset to be in her carseat, and usually takes awhile to warm up to new situations, so her immediate, sustained pleasure and interest in our surroundings was a total kick for me.

 

:: happily watching clouds, trains, kids on the playground ::

 

:: loving our little adventure!! ::

 

 As we meandered down the beach, hopping from park bench to park bench, I had a growing awareness of Jesus' presence and Him telling me

 

Rest.

Rest in this: right here, right now.

Rest.

Trust Mike to make the right decision for your future, your home, and your family.

Rest in his leadership and his relationship with Me,

and then tell him you trust him to make those decisions.

Trust me. Trust Mike.

 

It wasn't audible words, just a really strong impression that I simply need to trust Mike to make these decisions and tell him so. Not in the "don't have an opinion, don't give him any input, don't prayerfully weigh the pros and cons" sense, but in the "I am confident that Jesus is directing us, and the final outcome will be exactly where Jesus wants us to be--it's not up to me to figure this out" sense.

 

It was a lot like when I knew I needed to let Mike decide what to name Lainie. Only this time I'm telling y'all so you can keep me accountable if you see me freaking out about houses and neighborhoods and such.

 

That night I told Mike. As he pointed out, it's not really a big deal, because it is exactly how I should approach this topic anyway. And yet it is a big deal, because it is so very opposite of the way my unruly heart wants to handle these unknowns. If you think of it, pray for us over these next weeks as we determine whether or not to move, where, and when. It's a lot harder emotionally, I think, than either of us was expecting; we have such close friends here, such an awesome community, and we really really love our church family. Neither of us is terribly excited about moving. Yet our good God is writing His story with our lives, and we know that wherever we are, we can rest in His care.

{ Wide }

Here we go again: Five Minute Friday! The challenge: Set the timer for five minutes and go. Unscripted. Unedited. Real. Get your fingers dirty and type!

Word of the Week: Wide

I'm like one of those horses in period films, blinders on, unable to see anything but what's immediately straight ahead of me. The sad thing is, so much of the time I don't even wonder what's on the other side of those blinders. I assume the little bit of road in front of me is all there is in the world.

I stand outside a vacant home, cheery red door and narrow front porch, peer in windows at dingy carpet and old linoleum and my heart sinks. Will we live here? Do we have to live somewhere like this if we want to buy a home? A few minutes later, Mike and our realtor show up, and Mike is all joy and excitement, pointing at what he can fix here and how he will make that better. "I love this place!" he declares with the gusto of a lover, and inside I am shocked.

The next day I go to the windswept sunny beach to pray about this. Lainie naps in her stroller, and I hear God's gentle words. This life God has for us, this life God has for me, it is big. It is wider and fuller and more varied and beautiful than I imagine in my little blinder-bound world. It may include awful wallpaper and a kitchen that needs to be totally redone, yes; but what of it? God's view of our house hunt is the wide-angle one, the long-distance vision, the eyes that see not only further down the path, but all the options around me too...He gently lifts the blinders and says, Trust me, daughter. I have you in My hands.