Wednesday, November 6, 2013

{ Hard }

I don't want to admit it, but this season is hard and I just really want it to be over.

I'm always tired. If I nap when Lainie does, the amount of "stuff" I accomplish in a day {already not much} becomes infinitesimally small...and besides being tired, I feel like I'm drowning in little projects that either a} take sooooo long to do if attempted when Lainie's awake, or b} require Mike's help. I'm stuck between getting more sleep and getting less done--which is ironic because I'd probably have more energy--or being productive while Lainie naps, yet exhausted and/or comatose by midafternoon.

I know that in a few weeks I won't even remember most of the things that are driving me to tears on a daily basis now. Yet feeling like I am treading water with a growing unfinished project list I know it's the pregnancy hormones, I know if I weren't on the brink of the third trimester and parenting a toddler full-time I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. Honestly I could get most of this done in one or two days without those two limitations. Instead it's 9:45pm and I am blogging because I DID take a nap today, and now I'm hysterical because it's too late to break out the paint and fix all those dings in the wall from when we moved in. And you know, that must happen before Jellybean is born. Preferably before I wake up tomorrow morning and face yet another day with dinged up walls.

Is there any way we can possibly be really moved in, really settled, before this baby is born? Is that baseline I crave actually attainable? The one where all the windows that actually need window coverings have them, and all the safety latches are installed, and the furniture is where we want it, and all my jewelry isn't piled in a heap on top of our dresser? Is Lainie ever going to sleep through the night again? Pardon a little mommy rant: She has gone from sleeping 12-13 hours every night before we moved, to waking up about three times per night...every night...she's only slept through the night twice in almost two months. I did not at all expect this for my last few months before having a newborn...and it is so, so frustrating. I don't know how to help her. I don't know why she wakes so often--we've lived here for almost two months, so I don't think it's the transition/newness/change anymore. *deep, deep sigh*

I would like to close {well actually I wouldn't, I have a lot more to say on this subject but I have publicly whined more than enough for one night} by saying that this isn't all hormonal pregnant lady craziness, some of my urgency IS warranted. I recently discovered that the gorgeous blinds we got for our bedroom, which we both just love, are totally see-through when it's dark outside and lights are on inside. Like, if the neighbors happen to be in their backyard at night and a light is on in our bedroom, they can see EVERYTHING. Because there isn't a fence or anything between us and the neighbors on that end of the house. Now that makes me slightly freaked out. {Actually it makes me WAY more than slightly freaked out, but I am trying to remain calm and not hyperventilate right now as I think about it.} So I went and bought a curtain rod pronto, even though we were going to wait because curtain rods aren't cheap and our old bedroom curtains are not long or wide enough for the big bay window in our bedroom. Nonetheless I got this rod and I am determined to hang up our too-short-too-narrow curtains and cover that window, but this requires a certain amount of physical maneuvering that is difficult at this point in the pregnancy, and the use of power tools that I haven't used before, and have I mentioned that this is the kind of project that would be foolish to undertake while Lainie is underfoot? So I guess I'm going to bed AGAIN with naked windows. Someday...

For your viewing pleasure...because I took a picture earlier today while Lainie and I were making the bed and it was pretty is our bedroom window with those nefarious blinds.

It looks innocent enough, but there is quite a busy street behind that fence, and only about ten feet separates this end of our house from our neighbors' house. Really not the sort of environment for naked windows. I know that Mike will have time to put up the curtain rod very soon, and about three seconds after that I won't even remember how long I lived in this tortured state, but right now I'm here. Trying to work up the courage to go to bed. Goodnight.

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